Progress in Pictures

This is a little update blog of my progress in pictures. From the day I finished chemotherapy, to today! You can see hair growth, my puffiness come down and maybe even a smile or two along the way. 

ENJOY!

11th January 2014 (The day after my final chemo)

No make up, but eyebrows returning!

There's a bit of a big jump in time here, I got pretty slack!

I also had 2 hair cuts in preparation for my sisters wedding, hence having some "style" from now on.

TODAY! 12th February 2015

Chatting with a Cancer Survivor

Sometimes my blog can turn into a bit of a rant, or simply things that I would hope are informative for others to hear, but mostly it is just me and my thoughts about stuff.

I have also been thinking, maybe I've run out of cancer related topics, maybe I should change what I write about. Maybe no one cares regardless? Maybe my 9 page views yesterday was actually just one person, clicking on what they thought would be interesting and then wasn't, so they tried to leave, but there was a glitch in the system and it took them back to my boring blog 9 times.

So I've been sitting on this topic for a while.

What a person that has had cancer doesn't want to hear, experience or talk about:

1. They don't want people to assume they're ok. In saying that, I mean, don't say passing comments like "oh surely cancer isn't an excuse for you anymore?!" "Stop talking about your cancer, you had it a year ago."
Don't assume the person who has had cancer is over what they have been through. They're still going through it! It will be with them for a very long time, if not, for life.
We'd like some gentle acknowledgement that maybe it's quite hard to get back to a normal life and we may not feel like doing all the things we used to like doing when we were healthy. Wait, we're healthy now, but cut me some slack please!

2. Their appearance. I've said it before. Specifically now that they may look more healthy and human, there is that terrible comment about your weight, like "you've put on weight, but that's just the drugs right? You'll lose it all soon". Ahh no. It's never ok. Even the opposite, when looking back at old photos, "wow! Look how skinny you used to be." Used to be..? *sigh*

3. Assumptions that having cancer is only losing hair. Try that, plus every single other emotion and physical pain you can think of! From the outside, yes, you don't see all the things a person with cancer goes through. You just see the physical loss of hair. It isn't that simple. So tying in with point number 1, just because our hair is back, we are back to normal and ok with life. Nope.

4. Cancer. We've talked about it enough. We've lived with it and we continue to. But we also live a life of other stuff! Talk to me about my future dreams and aspirations. For a while there, I thought I wouldn't live. So the fact I am living now gets me excited about life!

5. How OCD we are. When I have a concern with my health, please don't tell me how crazy I am. I remember the time I was right that something was wrong in my body.

6. Your research on my particular cancer and all the people that didn't survive. Then ask my about my prognosis. *cringe*

I didn't count how many times, but I have often left places in tears. Or at least waited to be in the car and let it all out. Awareness and sensitivity. When is it ok to tell someone that what they have just said hurt incredibly?

Please read this in a constructive way. Don't take it personally. If you've said something along these lines to me, it's ok. So has everybody else. And that's when it gets draining. Or hurtful. Take it on board and maybe use it for our next conversation or your conversation with someone else who has been through a traumatic event. Don't pretend it didn't happen at all but also don't be too over the top in talking about it all the time.
Find the happy medium. I know, it's easier said than done. I actually googled other peoples blogs about this topic and they all say the same things. So it's true.

So that's all! Leave me a comment about things I could blog about. Maybe fun DIY projects, or beauty. HA HA. I wish I was actually funny.

Kendy xx

Long time coming!

Apologies to all my die hard fans, I haven't written a blog in about 6 months. Terrible.
Life has been good to me.

I just celebrated a whole year cancer free on the 10th of January!!!!!! Yahooo!

 

Me at the hospital having my last round of chemotherapy - 10th January 2014

 

A comparison photo of my 2014 Christmas and my 2013 Christmas!

I have had ups and downs throughout 2014. Many emotional battles relating back to having lived with cancer. It sill is a battle and I know I will live with these thoughts for a long time. I won't forget it. Every time I look in the mirror I see a different person to who I was before I got sick. It's hard to be normal and just accept that this is who I am and what I look like now. To everyone else I am the same, but to myself, I am different.

I got back into sport and exercise, which I was sad about losing the ability to do so during treatment. Simple things like that just remind me how much better I am. I'm trying to hold on to that life perspective I had during my sickness, but this world and the way it thinks it creeping back into my daily life. Trying to fight it!!

Anyway...to some other chirpy news...

A lot of ridiculously GOOD stuff has happened too! I was able to share my story with a bunch of women at a ladies coffee night at church. It was daunting and fun all at the same time.

I've been working at a job I actually love and enjoy. Still nursing, but it is less public hospital and shift-worky. It's great.

My sister got married on the 4th of October! It was such a fun day and she looked incredibly beautiful and happy.

 

I have been on many little getaways. Yallingup, youth camps, Busselton. Which, this time I was actually able to swim and enjoy the sun, sand and beach way of life!!

Spent Christmas and New Year with my amazingly generous family and friends.

I have been fishing with my very own new rod and reel. Catching whiting galore with my sidekick, Edward Duckins (a friendly duck who faithfully followed my fishing adventures down south).

And on the 6th of January, Brett and I celebrated our 3rd wedding anniversary with a beautiful breakfast and a week full of other exciting things, like purchasing a new (second hand) car!

 

We have a huge year planned for 2015. Stay tuned for further exciting updates and posts.

Hopefully that was an adequate speedy re-cap!

Please keep me in your prayers, this journey is not over!

I will leave you with one extra thing. Each new year, our little Stanford family get together and pick a word for the year. Last year my word was "RESTORATION". I believe that happened.
This year I have picked "GROWTH". Grow hair Grow!!!! Ha ha. I'm sure 'growth' can mean many things!

Thanks for reading!

Love Kendy
xx

One year since...

Two days ago on the 18th of July was exactly one year since I was sent home from work, after being told the results of my CT scan looked as if I had lymphoma. I remember that day quite well, but the more I try to think about how I was feeling, the more blurry it gets. I do understand that "numb" feeling people talk about when experiencing a tragic event. I have no idea how I went to sleep that night, I don't remember. But I'm sure it was in tears in my husbands arms. Brett was away on a fishing trip up North and unreachable. After calling the station he was staying near many times, leaving messages on voice-mail to the caretakers that it was urgent, I ended up getting a call back from Brett. He probably thought I was being the most annoying wife ever after calling him the weekend earlier in a panic asking where my USB was. I did need to send my resume and job application through right at that moment, so it felt like life or death at the time, but turned out I didn't need to get a job anyway because I was about to be diagnosed with cancer the next week. Funny huh. In the end he had to fly home and be with me for the remainder of my diagnosis. It was sad, scary and just plain devastating to get the news that I had cancer. As my very first blog post said, I was most concerned about my fertility. I still am to be honest and it doesn't get any easier when I am constantly seeing my friends on Facebook and Instagram with their gorgeous baby photos. This one year on since being diagnosed, I have had many mixed emotions. I am now living in a constant state of fear that my cancer will return, whether it is in the same spot, same type of cancer or whether it's something totally new. Every niggle of pain in my body or something I notice that doesn't seem quite right is a wave of fear that runs through my heart. There is not a day that goes by that I'm not scared of it returning. I often feel that people think I have moved on so well or they forget I even went through it and my life is back to normal. But really it isn't. I feel like it is changed forever, and I cannot shake the fear or thoughts of cancer that it's such a heavy burden on my life. Everyone else moves on, but I remain in this place of uncertainty. I was always a hypochondriac, and I still get teased about it. I don't think that's something anyone realises affects me so much. I've had cancer, and I have every right to freak out about stuff..right? I even found my early stage melanoma after being persistent with my "funny feeling". Sometimes it pays off, and sometimes people just say things because they don't understand. I write this all because I am about to have my first PET scan since my first one post treatment in January giving me the all clear of my lymphoma. Of course I am nervous, thinking about all the possibilities of the results. There is nothing I can do about the results but I can't not go to the appointment and leave it to think everything will be ok just as long as I "don't know what's going on so therefore it's not anything". I just have to go and wait for the results. I know it's going to be an agonizing wait. Will it bear bad news? What's around the corner? Do I have the strength to do this all over again? If prayer is your thing, please pray for Me now and for my scan on Wednesday. That it will be clear and I will be healthy. Pray for my sanity, that I have comfort and better thoughts in regards to my fears. I'm not even sure these fears will go away or if it's a good thing for them to go away. But pray nonetheless. I am thankful for the amazing 2 week holiday I just had up in coral bay. It was absolutely beautiful, and I enjoyed every bit. We snorkelled, kayaked, fished, lay on the beach, ate copious amounts of donuts from the bakery and the list goes on. Our forester towed a boat all the way there and back and we were super chuffed about that. We do love to have adventures, holidays and fun and are so glad we have these opportunities to do these things while we can. Happy I married an adventurous man who loves to just give things a go and get involved. It definitely suits my newly found appreciation for life and how some things are more important than others and that life is not just a tick box of things to achieve and acquire. Words of wisdom to live by. That's all for now. Kendy x

VANUATU Cruise!

Brett and I finally got the opportunity to go on our long awaited cruise to Vanuatu!

We flew to Brisbane, stayed one night and then the next day set sail on an 11 night cruise around the islands of Vanuatu.

We missed 2 smalls islands due to big swell and it being too dangerous to board the tenders to the islands, but that was ok. The ships crew pull out the big guns when we don't get to stop, and played the movie Frozen. So we all "let it go" about missing a few stops and continued to enjoy the relaxation of crusing on the ocean and also stopping at many beautiful places.

We ate all the time, went to the gym only a few times, met some cool people, learnt a lot of sports trivia and all round had a great time. This was of course was my first ever overseas (on the sea?) trip and I thoroughly enjoyed it! I would recommend cruising to anyone and everyone! There is so much to do, or little to do if that is your hearts desire.

Here are some pictures of our travels....(until the waterproof camera became not waterproof and we stopped taking pictures on it)

 

 We did a tour on Santo island and canoed the RiRi River to the Blue Hole

 So unbelievably BLUE! And a rope swing.

 They had theme nights on the boat, this was was island night.

After 11 nights without wifi and internet (are they the same thing?) we docked back in Brisbane and had another 3 nights staying with some contacts through Compassion. Messages and facebook were fun to catch up on and it even included seeing Brett's advertisement he starred in, in Brasil, a McDonald's commercial for the World Cup. Watch it here! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-T7zyezBkuY

We also hit up Movie World and Wet n Wild on the Gold Coast which was amazing fun as always, shout outs to the scooby doo ride, the old lethal weapon and the new aqua loop. And can I just tell you about the Aqua Loop, it's by far the scariest thing I've done. More than skydiving. Here's a video of it on youtube already https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-yM9zNxlOXk

We also went to the Gold Coast Suns game, which was cool.

That's all for now.
Bless you guys!!

Waiting on a miracle!

Today I have been wrestling with the fact I need a miracle. Yes, I have been healed from lymphoma, but the reality is that I still have an obstructed Superior Vena Cava from a clot. The clot formed when the tumor grew around the vessel and completely cut it off. To the point where the doctors say there is nothing they can do about it and I will have to live with it. The obstruction causes veins to stick out more prominantly than normal because that is now their main route of transport. I have a lot of pressure in my head when I bend down, put my shoes on, pick something up, lie flat on my back and the list goes on.

Thankfully the body is so wonderfully made that it can work around this problem using compensatory veins and I haven't dropped dead yet. I am thankful for this, but also miserable about the side effects and the fear of never getting back to the way I was previously because of fluid retention, I believe, caused by my lack of ability to drain it via the Superior Vena Cava.

So I have had a bit of a cry and a loud outpour of prayer to our Heavenly father for a miracle. To believe that He can heal me, regardless of what the doctors are saying. I was made by God, He knows my body inside and out, how many hairs on my head, freckles on my face, what veins and vessels go where and clearly made an alternative path that the blood could flow if this superior vena cava obstruction happens. But I need to be healed. I want to be healed so badly and prove to the people I love that God is real, amazing and faithful. That he can do miraculous things! In this happening I pray it would prompt the people I love to seek to know God and what he can do.

Please please please, join me in praying for this miracle. I know there are so many things to be thankful for (just read my thankful blog) and I should be pretty happy I'm alive (I am..) but hear my heart when I say that witnessing a miracle would be such a powerful testimony, not only for myself, but for everyone else.

Kendy x

Unedited jibberish

Is it time for a new blog? Most definitely!! I sit here on the couch writing because I must elevate my foot. I have just had a skin graft on my toe due to a pre cancerous mole being removed last year, but not removed enough, hence the graft now. They shaved some skin from my leg and cut out a chunk from my toe, then glued in the shaved skin. Delicious! So I am off work for a week "resting" and keeping my feet up. Something that I now HATE!

"Work?" I hear you ask! Yes, I have a casual job at a day surgery working as a nurse, doing some admission pre op stuff and also some work in recovery. Most of the surgery we do is under a general anaesthetic for dentistry, so wisdom teeth and restorative stuff. It's amazing and I love it! Having cancer has definitely taught me to appreciate work and being able to physically do it is awesome. I did learn the hard way, but thankful none the less!

What else have I been up to and thinking about? Well, life sure is busy once again, but something I have had no control of is my hair growth. My hair is growing quite nicely on top of my head and annoyingly raging everywhere else. Gross? Yes. But seriously having no hair would have been the only perk to chemotherapy. Now I'm back to maintenance, plucking my stupid eyebrows.
I have also started back with some light exercise. Swimming laps walking laps, walking outside long distances and I even can run 1km! It's exciting for me, so let me be proud of it, ok?

There are a few down sides to being thrust so fast back into "normal life". Things such as uncertainty and fear. All of a sudden you finish treatment and then you're left alone. No more daily check ups, regular blood tests, general regular communication with nurses and doctors. And you feel pretty strange. I personally am struggling with it and get upset quite a bit. It was such a huge part of my life, in fact, it consumed my whole life for 6 months. Then you're left with nothing. Apart from constant questioning from friends and family about how you are. Which in reality is hard. It's the same questions over and over, just like when you have been diagnosed, asking how you are, and you can't really be honest. It's a bit draining sometimes, so sorry if I'm ever blunt with you.
Our life had been flipped upside down, something no one ever wants to ever have to experience, and then when it's over you're expected to just flop back into normal life? What!? It's actually outrageous.
There's not a day when I don't think, is my cancer going to come back? Will we ever have enough money to follow our dreams and do all the things we had planned and are now 6+ months behind? Will I be able to have kids? Etc etc and all the things I thought I had learned and gained from this journey suddenly get pushed to the side and I'm back to the comparison way of the thinking I was drowning in before.
Is what I'm striving for now even important in life?! Agh the emotional and mental dilemmas.
I'm healthy and should be thankful right? Watching everyone else do life without a hiccup is really hard.

On the upside however Brett and I are finally going on our long awaited cruise in May this year and to be honest, we deserve this and something to go right for a change! We need a break and an escape from the supposed perfect bubble of perth. We're also going to coral bay in July and popping away for a week to Busselton just after Easter.

I'm so impatient about the future and what we have planned, but super excited and anxious at the same time. God's timing is the only timing, and I need help to see that.

So there was just a snippet of where I am at, at the moment.

Please uphold us in your prayers, obviously from what I've said, I have a lot to work through.

Thanks again for your support.

Xx Kendy