Finished...what?!

It's been a month since my last blog! I have been up to plenty of things. I had a pre Christmas blog with depth and insight included, but failed to post it and now feel like I'd have to change too much to even resurrect it. So new one it is!

I feel incredibly overwhelmed by all this love and support I have received through treatment. I am pleased to announce I just finished my last scheduled cycle of chemo and now just yearning to feel 100% healthy again. It sure will be a long road to complete recovery, but I know that with everyone around me and having such an amazing God on my side, I can achieve anything. I read a book recently called "You'll get through this" by Max Lucado
And the quote mentioned all throughout was

"You'll get through this.
It won't be painless.
It won't be quick.
But God will use this mess for good.
Don't  be foolish or naive.
But don't despair either.
With God's help, you'll get through this."

It really is true. I read it probably too far along in my treatment, but I want others to hear about it and read it, especially if you're going through rough stuff. It doesn't have to be cancer! It can be anything that is affect you and is rough-going for YOU, ie financial troubles, health issues, divorce, anything!

I can get through it with God's strength, it's not going to be easy, painless or even quick, but I will get through it. It's very cool to have such faith and hope in something greater, so if I could encourage you in anything, it would be to explore who God is. I feel like my life now is a true testimony to how God can move in situations and how blessed my life is...regardless of cancer!

So I started chemo last week on our 2nd year wedding anniversary. Brett and I had a great night at dinner. I wore my wig and carried my chemo bad around and everything. When we got there, there was a little girl who was also bald and seemed to have been through some grueling treatment. I almost wanted to rip off my wig and show my support, but I didn't. Maybe I'll be more bold next time!!

I had an amazing Christmas, including Christmas carols, breakfast, lunch and dinner on Christmas Day spent with family and friends and then Boxing Day with the extensions. Then we headed off down to Busselton for a much needed escape from perth and cancer stuff. I was even taught how to do my Hickman line dressing and heparin locking of the lines, so it was pretty fun to feel nursey again. It was so nice to sit on the beach, dip my legs in my clam shell (thanks to Nicole and Derek) because I can't swim with the line in, and we played bulk games of 500 (card game). New Years was also spent at the campsite and we just relaxed, discussed potential New Years resolutions, struggled to  stay awake til midnight, cracked open the sparklers then went off to bed.

 500 FUN!

(Brett caught a huge Sampson fish and fed us for 3 nights!)

It really has been an eventful year so far, only 14 days in.

Thank you for your love and support as always. It helps so much even when I'm grumpy and feeling unwell, I always look back and appreciate all the help we have received.

I plan to hopefully keep you all updated with my recovery, scan results and my fitness etc, so please stick around!

Kendy x
I now leave you with some photos to celebrate our wedding day 2 years ago on the 6th January.

Recent antics and musings

Wow, it has almost been a month since my last blog entry. I have had an extra week break from chemo as we have plans to head down to Busselton over the new year after Christmas. Then I will have my very last treatment when we return. Which may unfortunately start on our two year wedding anniversary. I'm sure we can fit something special to do in there while on chemo, but also excited about he potential to drag it out to do something later as well. Who knows. But I do know one thing... I only have one more treatment and I will be finished and cancer free by mind January. Party plans are underway!!

This last month I have been able to go away down south to Yallingup with a group of friends and also attend a look good feel better makeup group with other young girls battling cancer. I also attended another friends art workshop. As you can see here, I drew an apple.

Not too shabby!


This is Yallingup

We've had a few events at church these last few weeks including a scary youth walk through an old train tunnel, then an awesome festival called colourfest inclusive of the colour powder used in the colour run. We had sumo suits, bouncy castle, face painting and carnival food.


This was our youth group throwing the colour powder in the air. Looks amazing!


The Sunday just gone we had 'The gathering', a Christmas service for our young adults, food provided!


I feel like I've been up to lots. Our Christmas tree and other Christmassy decorations were put up, along with constant playing of Christmas songs and carols. It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas! Presents almost all done too which is a weight off!





It's safe to say, I LOVE THIS TIME OF YEAR! So much fun stuff to attend and we get to spend time with the people we love. Embrace it! I for one am feeling extra blessed to be alive and am totally appreciating the friends and family I get to share life with. Perspective has been great. Thanks God.

However...the down times....I am  currently on my second last chemo cycle as I write. I am extremely tired already, and I spend my time fighting the urge to sleep during the day so I can at least get to sleep during the night. I have also puffed up again due to the steroids and I just cannot seem to get over how it makes me feel. It doesn't help when some people say to me "oh you've put on a bit of weight...but that's ok". Comments like that don't make me feel good. I constantly worry about what I look like, and it hurts even more when my clothes don't fit. Or I try on a dress in the shops and it's a medium, not the usual small. Or everyone else around me is exercising etc.
I do understand it will go away when I finish treatment and I am thankful I am able to stop the steroids in the end. Unlike some unlucky people who have to take these steroids for the rest of their lives. It is tough and I've read a mountain of blogs, articles and stories of other people who have the same struggles. I know exactly how they feel and I just hope that somehow they can one day invent a steroid that doesn't affect people this way.
The biggest battle for me in this cancer treatment has definitely been the self image aspect. As much as the physical side effects like nausea and pain suck, I think I can handle those more because they only last a few days. This puffiness is almost permanent throughout my treatment.
I also recently wrote another blog about the things not to say to a cancer patient, and in general what I am struggling with in terms of when out being social the things that get on my nerves and overwhelm me a bit. I had a few people read it and together we decided it came across a bit harsh. I am yet to fix and change it up before I post it. But it definitely is a struggle for not only me but other cancer patients I have spoken to..even their families.



Can't wait to look like this again!




Anyway, that is it I think for now! Might squeeze in a pre-Christmas blog, but might not have the time. Pictures of Christmas and Busselton will be fun I'm sure.

Thanks again for prayers and well wishes, it does help.

Kendy x
P.s I leave you with a photo of a dog friend I met on the weekend. His name "the great one" in Swahili. He's cool and fluffy.

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Seeing the light..

At the end of a long long tunnel that for a long time I couldn't see!

Good news about the PET scan I had a few weeks ago, I am now pretty much free of cancer (apart from some residual activity in my mediastinum), now just finishing my final 3 treatments and that should be it! It is very exciting to know that I am responding to the treatment and I am so thankful to everyone who has been the support along the way, especially God.
There is no way I would be able to do what I'm doing now without the strength from God. I always have hope and faith thanks to Him, I just couldn't imagine doing this any other way.

I know it isn't over, and there's still a road ahead. Things like getting my Hickman line removed, further scans and even chats about the clot that is still obstructing my SVC, causing veins to be as prominent as when I had the tumor and the pressure in my head when I bend over. Will it resolve on its own? Does it need a stent? Can it be stented? And I have to get back to fitness, playing sport, lose my steroid weight, grow my hair....the list goes on!
All these things I can't wait to do. But I need a bit more patience to get through these last few months and cling onto that hope and faith that I have, that I will beat lymphoma completely!

Please continue to pray for me as chemo is still hard on me, my body and the people around me, especially Brett. He has to put up with my tears, my grumpiness, frustrations and venting. He does it well, but I'm sure he needs the patience and perseverance to continue. I love him so so much. Such a blessing to do life with him. Who knew we'd have this huge challenge thrust upon us so early in marriage. But his continuous love in sickness and in health is a true testimony to how much he loves God and lives life like Christ.

During the chemo break I was able to see Beyoncé in concert, which was amazing! So good to feel well enough to go and experience "Queen B" and also go wedding dress shopping with my sister! Wedding next October and hopefully I'll be a maid of honour with some sort of hair on my head!
I also attended the beautiful wedding of Ashley and Heidi Griffiths. Check out their wedding on Instagram using #ashleyheidiwedding
I got to have my makeup done courtesy of a gift from Mrs Jessica Gorman and even got fake eyelashes to feel fabulous and feminine again after losing all of my own to the cancer.

I think that's all for a blog update. Keep praying and know that God is good! YEW!

Kendy x

What are you putting off?

What are you putting off? The mundane chores? Something scary? Tax return? (That one's for me!)

For those who know abut my treatment in a bit more detail, they would know I go into the hospital every now and then for an infusion as part of my chemotherapy, and I even go in on weekends if I'm scheduled to have some blood tested. I go into Royal Perth and into a little department called Apheresis.  Australian Red Cross says, "Apheresis (pronounced ay-fur-ee-sis) is a special process by which donations of plasma only or platelet only can be made." Not just donations happen here, so much more does so let me continue...

My point at the moment is, I go to this place and see many patients, a lot who are older and more unwell than I am. They may have cancer or other blood disorders that require regular infusions, of either platelets and plasma, or blood. 
I've come to the realisation that there is such a huge need for blood and people to donate. I did know this already, but I was someone that every time I thought about going to donate blood, I would get a cold or sick and then not go. Something I kept putting off.

I now cannot donate my blood, ever. For the rest of my life. Because of cancer and chemotherapy.

I missed my chance.

You never know what is around the corner. You never know how much one day you may even need blood.

I met a girl in apheresis, who without daily plasma exchanges, she would die. Doctors don't yet know how to fix her. So she's up to day 30 now, banking on the generosity of others to keep her alive.
It's the same for so many more, and even me. Chemotherapy can affect your haemoglobin levels and I could indeed need a few units of blood to make me better. This little department of apheresis is just the surface. Imagine the people who lose litres of blood in trauma, accidents, surgery?

Blood is in need. Blood and the other products like plasma and platelets.

If you are healthy and well, why not donate?

I can't contribute in that way physically now, but I will make sure all my friends and family are aware they can help.

Please let me know if you are donating, I'm happy to come along with you! Or just let me know that you're going or have been, because you are special!!

For mor information about donating blood, visit the website http://www.donateblood.com.au

Giving blood is not as scary as needing it.

Fun on the Farm

I had been asking the nurses about whether or not I could go away on the AFL Grand Final long weekend, also known in WA as the queens birthday long weekend, but I'll let you all decide which one you actually celebrate. For us, it's the grand final. It's a big deal. Unfortunately this year our beloved Eagles didn't make it and our WA rivals, the Fremantle Dockers, did. As happy as I am for them that they made it, I was going for the other team...Hawthorn. Sorry freo fans, please don't stop reading my blogs because of this. I just couldn't bring myself to go for freo, and I KNOW some of you wouldn't either if the shoe was on the other foot. Is that the saying? Anyway, this blog isn't about Freo, or the grand final really. It is about getting away...to the farm!

I must admit, after watching McLeod's Daughters I was probably extra excited about this visit. Not only was it my first time in Muka, but it was my first trip to a real farm. I had McLeods in my head the whole time, even though I know they don't have horses on this farm..
Instead I went out and bought an akubra (x3 actually - couldn't decide on a colour) or simply a cowboy/girl hat from red dot. I also invested in boots. Farm boots, which by the end of the trip were nice and dusty and used-looking. I was happy! Another item that came along, was my checkered shirt. Or a "flanno" as the Aussies put it.

 This is the donga

 Brett and I in a wheat field/paddock

 Hard work this sheep work! One was struggling so we put her on the back of the ute

 Rookie learning to ride the quad bike. So Tash came along

 I was still a rookie so I rode on the back of Brett's

 Jumping for joy, off to shoot some cans

 Both Tash and I hit our targets.

 Sheep work crew! We were amazing. Dave would say otherwise....

 Sheep selfie

 One of the many paddocks. Country beauty!

 Sheep work

 The fam minus Ryan at Noble Falls on the way to the farm

Selfie with Red

I was granted a big fat 'yes' from my doctor when I had my appointment 2 days before the weekend. She said my bloods were great and I could stay away until Tuesday and start chemo on Wednesday instead. SO GOOD. We packed our things Friday night and woke early Saturday morning to drive 3.5hrs North East-ish of Perth to Mukinbudin. The sign on the way in described it as the "Classic, Dry, Red." Accurate I thought. Anyway this farm is where my mother-in-law grew up. My husband and his family often make trips to the farm also known as Waralya Downs. A sheep and wheat farm. Excuse me to my family if I am getting this wrong. They have many memories there and I am reminded how great holidays are and of course the memories/stories they create.

It was amazing to get away. I want to say phrases like "ahh the clean, fresh, farm air..." and "it was so relaxing.." so I WILL. I loved it. I did find the air fresh and clean (apart from the dust behind a mob of sheep or a quad bike) and I had the most relaxing time just being away from the thoughts of Perth and the things associated with it...like cancer. I enjoyed sitting outside the donga drinking a cuppa. So Australian.

We got up to lots of things like riding quad bikes, shooting, driving through paddocks of wheat, moving sheep from paddocks, morning tea eating, fly swatting, red dog playing and so much more. I loved the farm so much but know that it can be such a different story in other seasons of the year. We had great weather, not too hot and not too cold (sometimes cold, but I get cold easily), so it's easy to love it now and maybe not so much on a 45 degree day in the middle of December or January

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I was sad that I now have memories in photos of a time that I went away to the farm, bald, puffy and still undergoing chemotherapy. But still joyful that I got to experience it. It sure was and still is hard to look at the photos of myself and think they don't look like me, but I guess it's all part of this journey and I can hopefully one day look back on these photos and be glad that I did what I did when I did it. Rather than waited to be 'healthy' and 'look better'. Easy to say, still hard to believe.

Hope you enjoyed the small glimpse of the farming life in country Western Australia.

Love Kendy x

P.s. Big thanks to Uncle Jeff and Aunty Tracey for having us, and another thank you to Dale and Derick for their spare bedroom. Can't forget Muka Church of Christ for letting wavey preach again and even listening to a few of my little words. So in general, thanks to Mukinbudin for its hospitality!

Things that start with C

I have been up to quite a bit in my time between treatments. So much so that I haven't written a blog for 2 whole weeks. Shocking. I've been up and down with emotions, I've been a hermit and I've been social. I've even written posts and not posted them. They were definitely therapeutic for myself, and I'm unsure if they will ever enter the cyber blog world, or just stay in drafts as a reminder to me how I was feeling that day.

Since being diagnosed I have struggled a lot with all of a sudden having this knowledge, or so called perspective of life that I actually cannot express in words. I can try, but I think I will fail. So instead I've compiled just a small list of things that I have learned and/or appreciating at the moment.

Here are some words that begin with the letter C that have impacted me lately:

Cancer - it's probably obvious how impacting this one is, but there's nothing I can do to change what has occurred. I have a journey to go through and I just need to continue, and continue to learn from it. It's a privilege to actually be going through it, as hard as it is to say and sometimes believe, but I get to learn so much from this and become a different and hopefully better person from experiencing it. It's really hard to see some days and I need all of you to remind me that I will be changed in the end!

Content - I'm learning to be content. Philippians 4:11-13 says, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
I think that speaks for itself.

The word "can't" - I have said it a lot, and I want to not say it so much anymore. "I can't go to that...", "I can't eat that.." All related to being unwell and not being allowed to do things at certain times. Well I want to change "I can't" to a new mind set. I may end up saying it if I really am not supposed to be doing it, but in my head is actually the mind set I want to change. I am stuck in a place where I think this is permanent and I can't do anything. Yes I can't right NOW...but I totally will later. So just be patient...and I will.

Chemotherapy - it's so complex, yet to cool, it's killing my cancer and my cells. The good cells and the bad cells. It is impacting me in the form of side effects. I get puffy, my finger tips are going numb, I get constipated (another c word), but with the help of coloxyl and senna (c word again) it is relieved, and I'm thankful for that. I also get really tired, my skin gets sore, my hair has fallen out, my skin is dry, my mouth gets ulcers, I bleed easily, my immune system doesn't work, I bruise like a peach, my taste buds come and go..the list goes on but who cares!

Cross stitch- Gave this little hobby a crack today and its quite therapeutic. Takes a lot of time and patience...but I am determined to finish it. I may just even get CREATIVE.

Chai - I'm getting into the chai latte. It's tasty and less caffeine than tea. Apparently? Don't tell me otherwise because I'll get sad. I did research some benefits and it included preventing cancer. Maybe I got onto it too late. Haha but it's a good train, get on it.

Cards - card games with my parents at family dinner. It's fun and I love how they are loving playing with Brett and I. We play trumps. Happy to teach anyone who asks, but it's a great COMPETITIVE game and I love a bit of competition.

Anyway, other than my time of learning about Appropriate C words to share, I have spent these 2 weeks seeing people, eating lunches, going out, dinners, grand finals, church and many a fun time. It's just good to be well and get out of the house.

Stay tuned for more!
Lots of love,
Kendy x

Treatment Number 3 and some fun!

Treatment number 3 is upon us. I was hooked up to the chemo on Monday and won't finish until Friday. It's nice to have this lot of treatment through the weekdays rather than having to go into hospital on the weekend. I have my fears about the line leaking and getting clots again etc, so would really appreciate any prayers offered to reduce my stress and fears at the moment. I'm currently checking the infusion and dressing so often it's not funny...I know I shouldn't worry about it, but since what happened last time I'm extra nervous.

Another annoying part of chemo is I also have to take a lot of oral medication, including stuff that prevents me getting sick and also some steroids. The downside to the steroids is they make me puff up again in the face. It does go away when I stop taking them between treatments but whilst taking them I do often feel like I don't look like me and its hard to look in the mirror once again. I know I need to take them to make me better, it's just another one of those things that probably only a woman would stress about :(

On a lighter note here are some photos from the night I shave my head. It was so much fun. 

 We started out with a few looks...

 I feel a bit "Miley Cyrus" here....probably not a good thing these days?

 A bit military mohawk?

 The final result. More has fallen out since and is patchy, but now you see it!

I'm still coming to terms with having no hair. There are good days and bad days. Days when I'm happy to waltz around with nothing on my head (although it is cold and windy at times) and then there's days when I feel like I look naked. Even when clothed...my complete "look" just isn't what I am used to, and I feel bare. I look in the mirror and feel sad. I have a wig, which is great. Still struggling to get used to the feel and even look of it, but it does help to bring back that bit of "normal" about life. Scarves, especially silk ones are coming in handy and they're comfortable. So if you see any good ones, even plain ones for when I wear patterned clothes, send them my way!

This last week I have been feeling really good health-wise. Brett and I were able to spend a whole day out. We had breakfast, played mini golf and went shopping. I was exhausted by the end, but it was nice to go out and have fun. All the walking around however caused me a bit of grief with my Hickman line in terms of pain. I've rested since and I think it's healing really well and my body is getting used to it. 

  

It was also fathers day at the beginning of September, and I had a bald photo with my dad. We look a lot alike. I never thought I would shave my head and look so much like dad. But it was nice! Haha here's a picture of us!

 

It does also still get overwhelming at times with the amount of people who want to help out, see how I'm going and in general just be supportive. I often have to say the same things over and over again. It's something I don't want to feel, but sometimes I do. So please don't be offended if it takes me longer to reply to messages or if I'm talking to you and don't want to talk about cancer. I do care about what is going on in your life too! ;)

I still cannot express enough how thankful Brett and I are. We are always talking about who has said what and how it makes us feel. So thank you again annd again for your love and support. I couldn't be on this journey without you all.

God Bless
x Kendy