Is it time for a new blog? Most definitely!! I sit here on the couch writing because I must elevate my foot. I have just had a skin graft on my toe due to a pre cancerous mole being removed last year, but not removed enough, hence the graft now. They shaved some skin from my leg and cut out a chunk from my toe, then glued in the shaved skin. Delicious! So I am off work for a week "resting" and keeping my feet up. Something that I now HATE!
"Work?" I hear you ask! Yes, I have a casual job at a day surgery working as a nurse, doing some admission pre op stuff and also some work in recovery. Most of the surgery we do is under a general anaesthetic for dentistry, so wisdom teeth and restorative stuff. It's amazing and I love it! Having cancer has definitely taught me to appreciate work and being able to physically do it is awesome. I did learn the hard way, but thankful none the less!
What else have I been up to and thinking about? Well, life sure is busy once again, but something I have had no control of is my hair growth. My hair is growing quite nicely on top of my head and annoyingly raging everywhere else. Gross? Yes. But seriously having no hair would have been the only perk to chemotherapy. Now I'm back to maintenance, plucking my stupid eyebrows.
I have also started back with some light exercise. Swimming laps walking laps, walking outside long distances and I even can run 1km! It's exciting for me, so let me be proud of it, ok?
There are a few down sides to being thrust so fast back into "normal life". Things such as uncertainty and fear. All of a sudden you finish treatment and then you're left alone. No more daily check ups, regular blood tests, general regular communication with nurses and doctors. And you feel pretty strange. I personally am struggling with it and get upset quite a bit. It was such a huge part of my life, in fact, it consumed my whole life for 6 months. Then you're left with nothing. Apart from constant questioning from friends and family about how you are. Which in reality is hard. It's the same questions over and over, just like when you have been diagnosed, asking how you are, and you can't really be honest. It's a bit draining sometimes, so sorry if I'm ever blunt with you.
Our life had been flipped upside down, something no one ever wants to ever have to experience, and then when it's over you're expected to just flop back into normal life? What!? It's actually outrageous.
There's not a day when I don't think, is my cancer going to come back? Will we ever have enough money to follow our dreams and do all the things we had planned and are now 6+ months behind? Will I be able to have kids? Etc etc and all the things I thought I had learned and gained from this journey suddenly get pushed to the side and I'm back to the comparison way of the thinking I was drowning in before.
Is what I'm striving for now even important in life?! Agh the emotional and mental dilemmas.
I'm healthy and should be thankful right? Watching everyone else do life without a hiccup is really hard.
On the upside however Brett and I are finally going on our long awaited cruise in May this year and to be honest, we deserve this and something to go right for a change! We need a break and an escape from the supposed perfect bubble of perth. We're also going to coral bay in July and popping away for a week to Busselton just after Easter.
I'm so impatient about the future and what we have planned, but super excited and anxious at the same time. God's timing is the only timing, and I need help to see that.
So there was just a snippet of where I am at, at the moment.
Please uphold us in your prayers, obviously from what I've said, I have a lot to work through.
Thanks again for your support.
Xx Kendy
