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Chatting with a Cancer Survivor


Sometimes my blog can turn into a bit of a rant, or simply things that I would hope are informative for others to hear, but mostly it is just me and my thoughts about stuff.

I have also been thinking, maybe I've run out of cancer related topics, maybe I should change what I write about. Maybe no one cares regardless? Maybe my 9 page views yesterday was actually just one person, clicking on what they thought would be interesting and then wasn't, so they tried to leave, but there was a glitch in the system and it took them back to my boring blog 9 times.

So I've been sitting on this topic for a while.

What a person that has had cancer doesn't want to hear, experience or talk about:

1. They don't want people to assume they're ok. In saying that, I mean, don't say passing comments like "oh surely cancer isn't an excuse for you anymore?!" "Stop talking about your cancer, you had it a year ago."
Don't assume the person who has had cancer is over what they have been through. They're still going through it! It will be with them for a very long time, if not, for life.
We'd like some gentle acknowledgement that maybe it's quite hard to get back to a normal life and we may not feel like doing all the things we used to like doing when we were healthy. Wait, we're healthy now, but cut me some slack please!

2. Their appearance. I've said it before. Specifically now that they may look more healthy and human, there is that terrible comment about your weight, like "you've put on weight, but that's just the drugs right? You'll lose it all soon". Ahh no. It's never ok. Even the opposite, when looking back at old photos, "wow! Look how skinny you used to be." Used to be..? *sigh*

3. Assumptions that having cancer is only losing hair. Try that, plus every single other emotion and physical pain you can think of! From the outside, yes, you don't see all the things a person with cancer goes through. You just see the physical loss of hair. It isn't that simple. So tying in with point number 1, just because our hair is back, we are back to normal and ok with life. Nope.

4. Cancer. We've talked about it enough. We've lived with it and we continue to. But we also live a life of other stuff! Talk to me about my future dreams and aspirations. For a while there, I thought I wouldn't live. So the fact I am living now gets me excited about life!

5. How OCD we are. When I have a concern with my health, please don't tell me how crazy I am. I remember the time I was right that something was wrong in my body.

6. Your research on my particular cancer and all the people that didn't survive. Then ask my about my prognosis. *cringe*

I didn't count how many times, but I have often left places in tears. Or at least waited to be in the car and let it all out. Awareness and sensitivity. When is it ok to tell someone that what they have just said hurt incredibly?

Please read this in a constructive way. Don't take it personally. If you've said something along these lines to me, it's ok. So has everybody else. And that's when it gets draining. Or hurtful. Take it on board and maybe use it for our next conversation or your conversation with someone else who has been through a traumatic event. Don't pretend it didn't happen at all but also don't be too over the top in talking about it all the time.
Find the happy medium. I know, it's easier said than done. I actually googled other peoples blogs about this topic and they all say the same things. So it's true.

So that's all! Leave me a comment about things I could blog about. Maybe fun DIY projects, or beauty. HA HA. I wish I was actually funny.

Kendy xx

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