From nurse to patient

After being officially diagnosed on Friday the 2nd August, I was to start treatment on the Sunday. I was very anxious about chemotherapy, mainly the side effects and just the general anxieties one gets when faced with so much unknown.
We went in at 10am knowing we had a long stay ahead of us as one of the drugs given often causes an allergic reaction so has to be given over 4-5 hours. Prepped with iPad, magazines, iPod, phones...Brett and I had time wasting covered.

The first lots of drugs went through fine, and it wasn't until the time consuming one and an increased rate, I began to react. Only a small reaction, face itching and in my mouth was itchy, felt like my throat was also a little thick. Looking back, I wish I didn't say anything, but I know that I needed to in case it became much worse. After informing the nurse, I was then admitted to stay overnight on a ward to be monitored and given the infusion at a slower rate, for 24 hours.

I do not like being a patient in hospital. I always thought it would be fun. After being a nurse, there was a little part of me that wanted to just relax in the bed and be a patient. I couldn't be any further now from that thought!! It is serious boredom, being uncomfortable, being a burden, nothing to do but listen to the hospital sounds. Mainly other annoying patients who can't reach their tv remote at midnight. I think when I get back into nursing, I will be a greater nurse after going through this. I have a new appreciation for my profession.

So I've had my first treatment, which went OK. Now for the side effects. I have had a shocking week. A week of pain in my jaw, mouth and throat. Treatment finished on the Monday and then on Tuesday afternoon, the pain struck. This is pain I almost cannot even begin to describe. It is unrelenting, constant, throbbing, sharp, needle-like pain. Panadol was all I had and it did not work. Eventually Thursday rolled around and I decided to call the people at RPH to see if this was normal, or if they could do anything about it. "Come in on Friday at 9am", they said. So Brett and I went to the hospital. I received blood tests, a chest x-ray and an ECG just to make sure everything was alright. Then was sent home with stronger pain relief. THANK GOD. I now have a patch that stays on for 3 days at a time, and some oxynorm. I know these drugs well because we give them out all the time as nurses. But note to my fellow nurses, it's a strange feeling having these dangerous drugs of addiction just chilling in my house, rather than the safety of a double locked cupboard at work. I'm so nervous to be in possession of them.

Anyone who knows me well, would know all I wanted to do was be a housewife and not work (other than one day calling motherhood work). So actually being off work, I never thought I would say I actually miss it. What the? I hated work. Now all I want to do is be healthy enough to go back to work. Contribute. Make a difference? It's a strange feeling. And something that I am now beginning to understand is one of the many significant lessons I am to learn through this. Thanks God.

I haven't had the opportunity yet but here it is, so I must stress now...my thankfulness. I'm incredibly thankful for all the support and love I have received so far. It is absolutely ridiculous the amount of family and friends who are willing to help out. And I want everyone to know myself and Brett are so grateful and just simply so blessed to even know you all. It is also still extremely overwhelming at times...but we'll get there. If I don't get to say that to all of you in person, I hope you read this and feel like you are appreciated.

P.s I am slowly becoming tech-savvy enough to potentially upload some photos to these blogs as well. So sit tight, it will happen!