I have been up to quite a bit in my time between treatments. So much so that I haven't written a blog for 2 whole weeks. Shocking. I've been up and down with emotions, I've been a hermit and I've been social. I've even written posts and not posted them. They were definitely therapeutic for myself, and I'm unsure if they will ever enter the cyber blog world, or just stay in drafts as a reminder to me how I was feeling that day.
Since being diagnosed I have struggled a lot with all of a sudden having this knowledge, or so called perspective of life that I actually cannot express in words. I can try, but I think I will fail. So instead I've compiled just a small list of things that I have learned and/or appreciating at the moment.
Here are some words that begin with the letter C that have impacted me lately:
Cancer - it's probably obvious how impacting this one is, but there's nothing I can do to change what has occurred. I have a journey to go through and I just need to continue, and continue to learn from it. It's a privilege to actually be going through it, as hard as it is to say and sometimes believe, but I get to learn so much from this and become a different and hopefully better person from experiencing it. It's really hard to see some days and I need all of you to remind me that I will be changed in the end!
Content - I'm learning to be content. Philippians 4:11-13 says, "I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. I can do all this through him who gives me strength."
I think that speaks for itself.
The word "can't" - I have said it a lot, and I want to not say it so much anymore. "I can't go to that...", "I can't eat that.." All related to being unwell and not being allowed to do things at certain times. Well I want to change "I can't" to a new mind set. I may end up saying it if I really am not supposed to be doing it, but in my head is actually the mind set I want to change. I am stuck in a place where I think this is permanent and I can't do anything. Yes I can't right NOW...but I totally will later. So just be patient...and I will.
Chemotherapy - it's so complex, yet to cool, it's killing my cancer and my cells. The good cells and the bad cells. It is impacting me in the form of side effects. I get puffy, my finger tips are going numb, I get constipated (another c word), but with the help of coloxyl and senna (c word again) it is relieved, and I'm thankful for that. I also get really tired, my skin gets sore, my hair has fallen out, my skin is dry, my mouth gets ulcers, I bleed easily, my immune system doesn't work, I bruise like a peach, my taste buds come and go..the list goes on but who cares!
Cross stitch- Gave this little hobby a crack today and its quite therapeutic. Takes a lot of time and patience...but I am determined to finish it. I may just even get CREATIVE.
Chai - I'm getting into the chai latte. It's tasty and less caffeine than tea. Apparently? Don't tell me otherwise because I'll get sad. I did research some benefits and it included preventing cancer. Maybe I got onto it too late. Haha but it's a good train, get on it.
Cards - card games with my parents at family dinner. It's fun and I love how they are loving playing with Brett and I. We play trumps. Happy to teach anyone who asks, but it's a great COMPETITIVE game and I love a bit of competition.
Anyway, other than my time of learning about Appropriate C words to share, I have spent these 2 weeks seeing people, eating lunches, going out, dinners, grand finals, church and many a fun time. It's just good to be well and get out of the house.
Stay tuned for more!
Lots of love,
Kendy x
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